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Tuesday, February 14, 2012

Marriage


Last evening, we talked about "Marriage".  We looked at Genesis and the story of creating, how God made the man and the woman and what he intended for them.  We discussed the story of Abraham looking for a wife for his son from Genesis 24 and what qualities Abraham's servant had in mind when praying to the God of Abraham.  Then, we studied Proverbs 31 and the qualities one should be looking for when searching for wife, and, of course, a husband. 

Enjoy the notes from our discussion.


Marriage
Opening question: What is a quality you admire in a spouse and why?
Perhaps we like honesty in a person who would like to choose as a spouse.  And maybe it is hard work and dedication to accomplishing a goal.  Maybe it is good financial administration skills, meaning providing for the family needs, food on the table and a roof overhead.
Today, we’ll look at the Bible and see a few of the principles about marriage.
In Genesis 1:19-24, we read: 19 Now the LORD God had formed out of the ground all the wild animals and all the birds in the sky. He brought them to the man to see what he would name them; and whatever the man called each living creature, that was its name.  20 So the man gave names to all the livestock, the birds in the sky and all the wild animals.  But for Adam no suitable helper was found.  21 So the LORD God caused the man to fall into a deep sleep; and while he was sleeping, he took one of the man’s ribs and then closed up the place with flesh. 22 Then the LORD God made a woman from the rib he had taken out of the man, and he brought her to the man.  23 The man said, “This is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called ‘woman,’ for she was taken out of man.” 24 That is why a man leaves his father and mother and is united to his wife, and they become one flesh.
What do we learn here?
The man (and also the woman) cannot find a suitable helper, verse 20.  What is a suitable helper?  What does the Bible mean?
A suitable helper means someone who can truly understand the man or the woman.  Someone with whom they can talk, discuss their issues and their problems, seek their opinions and receive advice, receive help in building things and also have children in their family.
In verse 24 we read that one the purpose of the woman was as such that a man would leave his family of birth (his father and his mother) and be united to his wife.  This union is more than just the physical.  It means that the husband and the one become one unit, one team, that works together at all times, with the same goal, the same purpose, the same mind.
How is this possible?  What should be in place in order for two different human beings to have the same purpose, the same goal, the same mind?  What is this goal, this purpose?
Here is where the qualities or the personalities of the spouses come into place.  In order for two human beings to live as one, there needs to be some compatibility.  Both the man and the woman, the husband and the wife, need to share common beliefs, common ideas, common purposes.
And the purpose is for them to serve God, to do His will in their lives, to raise children that would serve God too and fulfill His will in their lives as well. 
What is the process by which one selects a spouse in the Bible?
In Genesis 24, we read about the way in which Isaac found his wife.  His father, Abraham was very old (verse 1) and he wanted to find a wife for his son.  He sent the senior servant in his house to seek a wife, but not among the people of the area where he was living (verse 4). Why?
The area in which Abraham was living, Canaan, did not believe in God, as Abraham did.  Abraham did not want his son to be led away by his love for his wife and fall away from following and serving God.
What can we learn from this today?
Sometime, the people we are living amongst are not the best people to become our spouses.  We may have to live with them because of our work or our other activities of life, but this does not mean that we are necessarily to find a spouse from the people that have different beliefs that we do. 
What is the danger if we are joined to someone who believes different things that we do?
It is important to find someone that shares the same beliefs and the same values that you do, whether it is about money, relationship, food, hobbies, etc.  Your married life would be much better if you and your spouse have the same goals, the same tastes, the same point of view about life and its purpose.
Back to Genesis 24, in verses 10-14, we read: 10 Then the servant left, taking with him ten of his master’s camels loaded with all kinds of good things from his master. He set out for Aram Naharaim and made his way to the town of Nahor.  11 He had the camels kneel down near the well outside the town; it was toward evening, the time the women go out to draw water.  12 Then he prayed, “LORD, God of my master Abraham, make me successful today, and show kindness to my master Abraham.  13 See, I am standing beside this spring, and the daughters of the townspeople are coming out to draw water.  14 May it be that when I say to a young woman, ‘Please let down your jar that I may have a drink,’ and she says, ‘Drink, and I’ll water your camels too’—let her be the one you have chosen for your servant Isaac. By this I will know that you have shown kindness to my master.”
Why did the servant want the woman to respond like that – to be willing to give a drink to the servant’s camels?  How much do camels drink?
The servant was looking for a sign from God, but he was not looking for beauty.  He was not looking for wealth, perhaps because Abraham was very wealth.  What he was looking for was hard work and generosity.  He wanted Isaac’s wife to be a hard working person and a generous person toward a complete stranger.  These were two qualities that have not lost their value since that time.  Even today, hard work is what makes most people advance in their lives.  And generosity is what keeps a hard working man human.
In Proverbs 19:14, we read: Houses and wealth are inherited from parents, but a prudent wife is from the LORD.
God is the one directing our steps when we are looking for a wife or a husband and we should take into account what God wants us when we make this important decision.
Further, in Proverbs 31, we find many qualities that we can appreciate and which are very valuable in our search for a spouse for life.  We’ll read this chapter and identify these values:
10 [b]A wife of noble character who can find?
   She is worth far more than rubies.
11 Her husband has full confidence in her
   and lacks nothing of value.
(trust)
12 She brings him good, not harm,
   all the days of her life.
(goodness)
13 She selects wool and flax
   and works with eager hands.
(working wife)
14 She is like the merchant ships,
   bringing her food from afar.
15 She gets up while it is still night;
   she provides food for her family
   and portions for her female servants.
(hard worker)
16 She considers a field and buys it;
   out of her earnings she plants a vineyard.
(planning wife)
17 She sets about her work vigorously;
   her arms are strong for her tasks.
18 She sees that her trading is profitable,
   and her lamp does not go out at night.
(smart)
19 In her hand she holds the distaff
   and grasps the spindle with her fingers.
20 She opens her arms to the poor
   and extends her hands to the needy.
(generous)
21 When it snows, she has no fear for her household;
   for all of them are clothed in scarlet.
22 She makes coverings for her bed;
   she is clothed in fine linen and purple.
23 Her husband is respected at the city gate,
   where he takes his seat among the elders of the land.
24 She makes linen garments and sells them,
   and supplies the merchants with sashes.
25 She is clothed with strength and dignity;
   she can laugh at the days to come.
(respectable)
26 She speaks with wisdom,
   and faithful instruction is on her tongue.
(wise)
27 She watches over the affairs of her household
   and does not eat the bread of idleness.
28 Her children arise and call her blessed;
   her husband also, and he praises her:
(loved)
29 “Many women do noble things,
   but you surpass them all.”
30 Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting;
   but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised.
31 Honor her for all that her hands have done,
(honorable)
   and let her works bring her praise at the city gate.

Conclusions
Finding a compatible spouse may be a daunting task.  However, as we are in the process of making this decision, we should consider what God expects from us and what we should be looking for in a spouse.  If we follow God and his process, we will be blessed with a suitable helper for life.